"Bright light city's gonna set my soul on fire!"

To say that I've been neglecting this blog is a falsehood. I have written volumes at work only to realize that I was unable to post to this blog and, consequently, have the posts deleted. My witty remarks are lost somewhere in cyber-land. Needless to say, I am refreshing my post from April 10th to let you all know what "Vegas plans" we have in mind.

(I need to comment on my "lost" blogs. Although I KNEW and subsequently posted about my inability to post from work, I still tried. I literally wrote 1,000 word essays on the everyday goings-on of Rockin' Joey D to no avail. I thought, "maybe this time it will work." I was wrong and utterly pissed off that I contracted carpal tunnel trying to entertain you, my loyal readers. I trucked on regardless and at least vented...if only for my own good. Rest assured that the posts I made were both creative and very, very entertaining indeed.)

Moving on...

Jamie and I are going to Vegas! I have only been there two times but Jamie has NEVER been. It seems unfathomable that a 37.5 year old man has never been to Vegas, but I digress. We're fucking going to Sin City, baby!

The first time I was there I didn't want to go. I hated the idea of actually spending CHRISTMAS in a town known for whores, booze and gambling. (To be honest, that's a lie. I didn't want to be around prostitutes...the booze and gambling are just fine with me.) Here's a letter I wrote to the place I stayed following my first visit:

OK, I thought I had the letter but I was wrong. I don't remember what computer I typed it on and it obviously wasn't this one. Regardless, it was a very nice letter describing how I didn't want to go but fell in love with the place. I won (and spent) lots of money but came away a winner and got TONS of comps out of the deal (comps that I was unable to utilize month after month). They were impressed with my letter, to say the least.

I obviously loved our vacation...with or without you reading the letter.

I wrote this letter in hopes of accruing more comps. I was planning a trip to LV with my Grandma and Aunt Eunice. I used one of the "three free nights" comps they offered me but we wanted to stay for five nights. I called the hotel/casino and lied. Yes, I admit, I lied. I told them that I had the offer for three nights at their place and another offer for two free nights at a different hotel/casino. It was a lie but they took it hook, line and sinker. They comped me FIVE nights for FREE...and the letter got me a free upgrade to a poolside suite...plus $200 cash when I checked in! Letters (well written, kiss ass, kick ass letters) work!

We all went and had a nice time...although I lost all my money in the first 36 hours I was there. Needless to say, I came home happy (who goes to Vegas and doesn't have a good time??) Plus, I got to go to LA to see SueBee for two days and LOVED it.

Well...I kept getting TONS of offers for free rooms, lots of free gambling money, free this/free that. BUT...I couldn't afford a plane ticket out there. (That's that rub. They're fucking expensive!) I let my comp offers keep piling up but they all have expiration dates on them. I since stopped receiving the offers.

A few months ago, Jamie got a great job and enabled us to actually take the vacation of our choice. Although we still want to be frugal (who wants to be extravagant if you don't have to be) we chose to "do" Vegas. So, what did I do?? I wrote another letter. That one IS below:

Dear Mr. [So and So],

I am writing you today as a loyal patron and promoter of [your hotel/casino]. Although I have only been to Vegas twice, I stayed at your wonderful casino both times and was completely satisfied and overwhelmed. (The second time I came, I didn't leave your building the entire week!)

My Mother and Stepfather also stay exclusively at [your hotel/casino] (they've been there nearly ten times!) I think I've also convinced my Vegas-loving Aunt and Uncle to stay at [your hotel/casino] on their next vacation this fall.

I must share this story with you: During my first Vegas trip, I stayed up day and night gambling at your casino. I had wonderful chats with many of your staff and cocktail waitresses. There was one cocktail waitress, in particular, with whom I carried on friendly conversations. She is originally from Ontario, Canada and I live right across the border in Buffalo, New York. I mentioned this to her when I saw her name tag and we shared some interesting stories. Since I often gambled in her "territory", she learned what I drank and graciously brought me a cocktail when she saw me playing. It was always nice to see her and I gave her a hearty tip on the final day of my vacation. Six months later I returned to Vegas and saw this nice cocktail waitress again. I mentioned to her that I had met her at Christmastime and how pleasant she was. I told her that I was from Buffalo and how we had chatted about Niagara Falls among other things. She pointed to me, with a big smile, and said "Seven/Seven" (my drink of choice). I was astonished and very warm-hearted. Not only had she remembered me but also what I liked to drink! It made me so very happy and I share that story every time I tell someone about [your hotel/casino]!

My purpose for writing today is two-fold: I have been unable to afford a trip to Vegas since then. Each time I received a letter or postcard from [your hotel/casino], I was excited at the phenomenal offers but disappointed that I would not have the money or time to make the trip. Ironically, I have since stopped receiving letters or postcards from your casino but I now have the money to take a vacation. The old adage "get while the getting's good" has finally caught up with me.

I am planning a trip to Las Vegas this June. We plan on arriving June 18th and staying for four nights (through June 22nd). I have already purchased our airfare but I have refrained from making hotel reservations until I wrote to you.

The truth of the matter is, although I prefer to stay at [your hotel/casino] exclusively, I have been researching hotel deals online and I have found some attractive offers at competing hotels. (I'm sure that, had I been to Vegas and stayed at [your hotel/casino] recently, I would still be receiving your offers in the mail and it pains me that I was unable to do so.) It is my sincere desire that, as I have been a loyal supporter and an enthusiastic promoter of [your hotel/casino], you might be able extend a special offer to me for my upcoming vacation. I would hate to miss out on another wonderful time at [your hotel/casino]...and I'd really like to see if that cocktail waitress still knows what I like to drink!

It is my desire to finalize plans in the next week or so. If there is anything you're able to do to ensure my vacation is spent at your casino, I would be grateful and very excited! My contact information is below and please feel free to call me at any time should you have any questions.

Sincerely,
[Me]

OK, so...that letter worked too. Although I hadn't been to Vegas in nearly two years, the nice man, Mr. [So and So] worked me a deal. He said, and this is another quote, the following (sent to me eight minutes after I sent him the previous letter in e-mail form):

It has been awhile since we have seen you and you certainly are welcome back. Based on your casino play of 2 years ago I will offer you a room complimentary for 3 nights and the 4th night at our discounted casino rate of $75 arrival June 18th & departure June 22nd. If you would like to book I will need a credit card number.

Well, Hell's bells if I didn't ring him up and give him a credit card number. While I was talking to him (he was VERY nice...not to mention the Vice-freekin-President of Marketing for this certain hotel/casino) he told me that the $75 casino rate for the fourth night was technically a technicality that would be comped as well. I...WAS...THRILLED.

I have to say that I lied in the letter I sent him. I hadn't booked our flights yet. But I was bound and determined to get an equally exciting deal.

Moving on, again...

Jamie and I went to my Aunt and Uncle's house for some Vegas advice and we searched for flights (following my glorious display of self-appreciation). We plan on driving down to my Dad's house for Father's Day and flying out the following Monday. We searched and searched and found flights between $249 and $329 round trip, with one stop, per person. We all thought this was a good deal but I didn't book because I thought something better would come along.

A few days later I was spending my time at work searching for better deals. I clicked onto Southwest's website and found the...best...fucking...deal...ever...ever...and ever! My Dad lives near Washington, DC and actually works at Dulles Airport. I found a flight, NON-stop, for $99 each way, per person. I booked the damn thing immediately.

Color me happy! This trip (not counting gambling and spending money) costs less than $500. That's less than $100 per day...INCLUDING airfare!!!!!!!

Nobody believes us. They are jealous. I don't blame them.

Well...

Once I knew for certain that we were goin' a'gamblin' where what happens there stays there, I started google'n and search'n all the Vegas sites. I became a subscriber to the Las Vegas Advisor which lead me to Cocktail Doll's website which lead me to numerous others. I need to digress again...

Dollie, the woman behind www.cocktaildoll.com, is awesome. If you visit her site you will realize that she is not only a nice girl but a VERY smart person as well. She's an honest-to-goodness Vegas cocktail waitress. She tells you how it is and what you should do. She is a brilliant writer and gets her point across better than anyone I know. Her sheer brilliance forced me to e-mail her and tell her that I adore her. She replied and we've since become unoffical "Will and Grace" friends. I have no doubt that we will marry and have many, many children...kidding (but only 50% so.)

My dear friends, I am God-spanking excited. I will write more. I will bore you to death with my excitement. For now, though, I will practice my video poker skills on Bob Dancer's newest strategy/teaching game, "Video Poker for Winners!"

Live long and prosper...and go to Vegas damnit!! Visit the sites I shared with you, too!

(By the way...I didn't want to tell you where I stayed and got the comps...that could prove stupid of me...I like getting the comps and I don't want them to read this little blog and deny me.)

(By the way again...I realized that I said I "lied" about four or five times in this blog post. Call them little white lies...I obviously spent TONS of money to be offered comped rooms in the first place. If I spend the money to EARN the damn things, the least they can do is believe my little white lies in hope that I'll return and throw more money into their ever-burning fire pit that gambling casinos promote and thrive on.).

Kisses...

Jesse and Dodger

For those of you who might be unaware, Jamie and I have two dogs. Two wonderful dogs. Their names are Jesse and Dodger. Here is their story:

While living in our shithole cottage in West Seneca, I persuaded our landlady to let us get a "small" dog. She always said that there were no pets allowed but Jamie and I were good tenants...she conceded. That day, literally THAT day, Jamie and I went doggy hunting. We went to the SPCA in Erie County to no avail and then decided to trek on out to the Niagara County SPCA. We walked in and saw a beautiful, blond Shepherd mix. She was the only dog not barking and she sat there looking at us like she knew we were going to choose her. Mind you: we had looked at and walked about 30 other dogs that day...how she knew is beyond me. Well...

We asked the man-on-duty if we could take her out to play. (Tangent: the Niagara County SPCA is MUCH nicer than the Erie County one. They have a gated outdoor play area where the dogs don't have to be leashed...it is cleaner and the people are nicer.) We took Jesse out and she was wonderful. She loved us and we immediately fell in love with her. She showered us with kisses, rolled around on the ground with us, came to us when we called "here girl". She was a dream come true. Jamie and I looked at each other and we knew. (Tangent #2: I didn't tell Jamie that his landlady said we could get a "small" dog.)

We decided that she would be our dog. I signed my life away and we paid $60 for her. We immediately went to PetSmart (I THINK they had PetSmart back then), picked up a few things and went home. While we were driving home, we tried to come up with a name. We already had Joey and Jamie...I was determined to name her a "J" name as well...but a name that wasn't gender specific...sort of like Joey and Jamie. Jesse stuck. She was, and continues to be, a wonderful dog. Granted, we've had some hurdles to cross but, all in all, she's been great.

(Tangent #3: in between Jesse and Dodger, we (I) got a cat. Jamie hates cats. We named her Jordan. They got along just fine but (long story short) after we moved things didn't work out. I mention this only to reiterate my penchant for non-gender based "J" names.)

A few years later, I decided to get another dog. I really wanted a Jack Russell (Eddie looked so cute on "Frasier") and I was determined to get one. I had researched Jacks for a while and came across a breeder in Medina. She was awesome and (again, long story short) I picked out Dodger when he was only 6 days old. We spent WAY too much money for a dog but he was/is worth it. Now...how did I come up with Dodger, you ask? Well...

Jack Russells are very mischievous, smart and sneaky. I once played an equally mischievous, smart and sneaky role: The Artful Dodger. "There are no "j's" in that, Joe." Yeah, I know. BUT...the Artful Dodger's real name was Jack Dawkins...hence the "J". Not to mention, it is SO cliche to name your Jack, Jack...so I refrained.

I promise to bore you all with some of their good and bad stories...for now, however, I have to go give our puppies a big lick on the nose.

King and Queen...

What makes the difference between a good night's sleep and a great night's sleep? Space and comfort. Right? Well, yes and no.

Jamie and I recently got a California King sized bed. It is gigantinormous. Humongous. Gargantuan. Big. So big that we need an intercom system to hear each other. Big as in it is a bed so big that it requires multiple zip codes. Big as in we needed to get rid of a dresser and two night stands big.

It is 78 inches wide and 80 inches long. It is nearly as big as two full sized beds put together. It requires two separate box springs mattresses. It is huge.

Our dogs can lay between us, spread out, and we won't know we have dogs. Hell, we can buy 4 more dogs and not know the difference. Jamie can be snoring and I won't hear him. I can move like an octopus and he won't know. It is a damn big bed.

It is luxurious and...big. It never occurred to us that we would need to buy sheets for this mammoth-sized bed, however. We spent over $80 in PILLOWS alone. Had I not found a phenomenal sale we would have spent $50 per sheet set and over $100 for a comforter. And I'm not talking about gourmet pillows or sheets either. I'm talking about your run of the mill, pillow-pillows and sheets-sheets. Well, I got a deal and saved 20% on top of that. We totally feel like royalty. Honest to God. We even have "decorative pillows" and "Euro shams".

Needless to say, we are sleeping better on our Sealy Posturepedic than we ever have before and we love it.

Why in God's name am I writing now? Who knows. I should be in bed luxuriating in my luxurious bed.

I'll take a picture when the room is painted...hopefully this weekend.

Sabres colors, anyone?? The bed is gold now and apparently we need a theme.

Family dinner.

Jamie and I had my Mom, my Grandma Dem and my Grandma Kelley over for dinner tonight. We planned this for just one week and I think everyone had a great time.

We decided (actually, I decided and begged Jamie to go along) to make lasagna. Jamie makes the BEST lasagna. So our menu included wine that my Mother brought (actually I used a wine that I had, she just added to our stock); a fresh salad prepared by Grandma Dem; Jamie's awesome lasagna; and Grandma Kelley's German Chocolate Cake (my personal favorite) and Slush Cake. I provided the semi-clean house and the beautifully set table.

Why am I posting this you ask? Well, because I want to damnit.

In addition, I think it's important that we share these special moments with our friends and families in an attempt to promote future dinners of this sort (not to mention the fact that we all go by a much faster-paced life right now...it's great to sit down to chat for five minutes let alone enjoy a great meal with loved ones.) I know that Grandma Kelley said that she'll be having me and Jamie over for a Turkey Dinner and we can't wait for that. Grandma Dem already has Jamie and me over once a week. My Mother is always asking us to come over. We will be well fed, indeed.

Special moments deem special blogs. Many wonderful stories were shared and I will forever remember this great evening...not to mention that my Mom and Dad have been divorced for over 20 years and that our two families can meld as one just as easily as ever before.

I am a happy, and completely stuffed-bellied, boy.

1,201 words...gimme a break.

OK, call me a slacker...I deserve it. HOWEVER - now that I'm not allowed to post from work (God knows why, I'm sure) I have been unable to find the time to actually post. Damn it all to Hell! (Couple that with the fact that nothing spectacular has happened in my life these past few days and you have the answer to the underlying question, "Why has Joe been slacking?")

Regardless... What has happened in my life that I want to share with ya'll? Very little, truth be told.

I officially placed my first order as a "Yummily Easy" consultant. (I'm not officially allowed to mention their name. Henceforth I will simply call them "the unnamed direct sales company: YE"...think of synonyms for "yummily" and "easy".) It's rather amusing...why I can't really talk about them. I got an e-mail from headquarters (that's YE's headquarters) telling me that I'm not allowed to post about their company on my, or anybody else's, website. It does make sense to me but I honestly felt a bit betrayed. I am selling their products, for Jesus' sake (oh, did you hear that they may have found his bones...putting the whole "back from the dead thing" in the spotlight?). But, to be fair, I do understand why they might not want people posting about them: people can be assholes. I merely posted (you can't find the post, I had to delete it) that I was excited to be selling their products and that I think they're a great company. Guess that's a no-no. Anyhow...I placed my first order for over $500 and I'm happy with myself.

Moving on...

I am still bartending at the Water Valley Inn in Hamburg (I think I'm allowed to mention their name). It is a lot of fun. Although I don't make a lot of money there, it is enough to pay for my gas and cigarettes (shut up). It's one or two days a week and the people there are great...so is the food! One of the perks I have is getting a free meal whenever I work. This may sound paltry to you but the menu is huge and I can, more or less, order anything I want. There is a funny story to be told about the staff meals:

On my very first night there, I ordered the Reuben Sandwich Platter. I had not had a corned beef, sauerkraut, thousand island dressing on rye bread sandwich in a long time and I was hankering for one. I placed my order with the kitchen and was daydreaming about eating it until I got home. Once home, I changed into my pajamas and put on Top Chef...I made myself a cocktail and opened the to-go container of food to find a...NY Strip Steak, baked potato, corn, side salad and a roll. I was disappointed...but, even more so, worried that the person who had a hankering for steak was equally surprised to find my sandwich. I felt awful and embarrassed. I actually called the restaurant the next morning and told them I was sorry. They laughed it off. The next day I worked I realized that I had taken Lyn's food home by mistake. Well, long story longer, it happened again...this time, it wasn't my fault, however. I worked yesterday and asked the cook what was best on their specials menu. He told me that the Jack Daniels' BBQ Pork Chops were phenomenal... I started salivating. I told him to put the order in for me, to-go, and I would take it home when I was done. Well... Lyn got done with her tables a few hours before the bar closed, took her meal, and went home. I finished up my cleaning, took MY meal and did the same thing. WELL... SHE, yes Lyn, took MY meal this time... I got stuck with fried chicken and macaroni salad. Ah, karma... (I have to admit that it was amazing honey fried chicken and I was secretly happy that she made this mistake...I know what I'm going to order next time!)

Is this whole post boring you to death?? Probably. Sorry. No, not really... If you're bored to death stop reading the damn thing, damn it... Fuck, fuck, fuck... I feel like swearing... Sorry Mom.

Oh, speaking of my Mom...

My car has been making a nightmarish sound for the past week. It starts off as a creak in the morning; it moves on to a constant banging in the afternoon; it turns into a wooden roller coaster noise by the evening. I thought my car was going to fall apart...and it's a 2005! I knew that I was going to need to take it to the dealer to find out what was wrong but I was dreading the diagnosis and, more importantly, the repair bill. Finally, this morning, I took it to West Herr Ford to find out. I sat in the waiting room for about 1.5 hours. (Oh, the whole "Mom" reference...she works there.) The garage manager came over to me, very serious-like, and told me what was wrong. He mentioned foreign words like, "stabilizer", "bushing", "hex nut", "metal" and "wheel" to me. I nodded my head like I knew what any of those words meant...waiting to hear that I needed to sell my soul to pay for the damn thing. (I have to digress and tell you that I went into the whole shop with the sinking feeling that I was going spend hundreds of dollars...this seemed to confirm that suspicion.) He then said, "well, would you like me to call your MOTHER or would you like to hear the cost." My heart sank. I felt like a little boy at a candy store without enough money to buy what I wanted. Why would he want to call my Mother? I mean, I know that she works there and that she made the appointment for me but...to call her to disclose the repair costs?? This sounded huge. I told him that he could call her if he wanted to but that I wanted to know how much before she did...it is MY car after all. He said (and I swear to God he took a deep breath for the sake of making this situation even more stressful for me), "About eighty dollars." I was, honestly, thrilled...and a little baffled why he thought I would be staggered by the price. Needless to say, when it was all said and done, and I got back into my car, I was very happy. It is VERY unnerving to have a creaking car and not know what's wrong with it or how much it costs. It purrs like a baby now. (Isn't that what car people say when their car is running well??)

I'm afraid, dear readers, that I'm done writing for now. I hope that this post satiated you until next time. I'm certain that I have a lot more to tell you but, if you've made it this far, you're probably already bored enough.

As Bugs Bunny used to say... "Good fucking night, folks. I'm exhausted and embarrassed that I feel the need to apologize for not posting in over a week."

Happy March.

Shut up.

OK, I know that you all THINK that it's been a long time since I've posted. Although that's technically true, it's not necessarily 100% accurate.

I have attempted, on numerous occasions, to post from work. I have written novels that never showed up. I have been witty...to no avail. I have written reviews that have been swallowed whole. Point being...I have tried. Apparently I am no longer able to post from work. Damnit.

Rest assured, however, that I will be writing from home. (Just not right now...it's 1:40AM and I'm exhausted.)

Here's a recap: Jamie loves his job, The Kavinoky is great, Tastefully Simple really is tasteful and simple, the weather sucked but is getting better (people are calling 34 degree weather a heatwave), we really have to go grocery shopping, I've started cutting coupons (not just to save money but for something to do on a Sunday morning), I missed my brother and brother-in-law's birthdays, we had to pay someone to plow out our driveway, our dogs have dry skin, I judged a cheesecake contest, my hair is getting more grey by the minute, Valentine's Day was lovely, President's Day was uneventful, I like bartending at the Water Valley Inn, my Aunt is pregnant, I have not won the lottery, I am still smoking, Enchanted April opens in about 11 days, I went to a Chinese New Year party (it is the year of the pig), my playbill was due 2 weeks ago, my cousin and her family visited from Michigan, D'Youville is changing to one insurance carrier, I have lots of things to do tomorrow, I took a four hour nap this evening and I am still tired, I'm using commas instead of semi-colons just to piss you off.

That should satisfy you, dear readers, until tomorrow.

Calm after the storm.

This is how the snow atop our garage looks.

The weather today was horrific and I hated it. Granted, I didn't leave the house but Jamie did; my cousin couldn't make it to work, turned around, and took almost 2 hours to drive about 5 miles; my uncle got stranded and came over. Thank God for Jamie's 4-wheel drive.

Snow, snow, go away...come again another day.

Tomorrow's Jamie's first day!! Wish him a snow-free, lucky, great day!!

From my front porch.

I have to say that these pictures were taken at 11:00AM. Multiply the snow you see by three and that's what it's like now...we have about three feet of snow.

Damnit.