How to put up a storm door.

After dropping off my Grandmother's car yesterday (and waiting for Jamie to come pick me up), I decided that I was going to rearrange her furniture. She wasn't home and I had nothing better to do.

I took her fish tank to the basement (it was empty but still sitting in the corner of her living room), moved her jewelry cabinet into the bathroom, dragged her rolltop desk from the dining room into the living room (yes, she had it in her breakfast room), strategically placed a lamp from the upstairs bedroom atop the desk, took all her pictures off the entertainment center, dusted, replaced the pictures that weren't over ten years old, positioned some floor plants, fluffed the pillows, and made myself a cocktail...all in about 25 minutes.

Just when I went outside to have a cigarette, Jamie pulled in the driveway to pick me up. He got out of the car and I asked him if he wanted to help me install the new screen/storm door that Uncle Brian and Aunt Helen just bought for Granny. I could tell he didn't want to but I also knew his hesitance was waning because he secretly wanted to prove to himself that he (we) could actually do it. I pushed him back into the car and sent him home to get some power tools and (just in case) super glue, thumb tacks, my steel-toed boots, and my overalls.

I was ready. I was prepared. I was buckling a tool belt around my waist when Jamie returned.

We managed to successfully remove the old door without a hitch; we unfolded the instructions (printed in four languages...English being the most indiscernible); screwed some things in. Then, six hours later, came the hard part: we had to install the automatic closer. Sounds easy, no?

Needless to say, we were unsuccessful at our first seventeen attempts. A few too many holes drilled into the door later, we had what looked like a properly attached air-pump hingy thing. The door opened and... We adjusted the thing. The door opened and slammed closed. We adjusted the thing again. The door wouldn't open. We adjusted the thing again. The door opened and closed as per instructions. We put the tools away. We tested the door again and it opened but didn't close. Our nerves were wearing thin. I started yelling at Jamie (for no reason at all.) We tested the door again and...miraculously - it worked! It opened and closed. Again...it open and closed!!! We were happy (although still have the other air-pump hingy thingy to attach today after work.)

All in all, the door looks great! It is beautiful; it functions properly; we didn't break anything. The fact that it took us the better part of a day is beside the point.

Moral of the story: an interior decorator does not a small contractor make...even if you're wearing the right outfit.